I read a status from FB written by my baka yesterday, I personally couldn't agree even more.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
So it gave me an idea to blog for today. So let's begin!
To be honest, I am that person who cares about how people judged me and their comments and opinions towards my actions and behavior. I don't know how to explain why I cared so much but I can only say because I have a lot of social phobias that once happened to me (for sure not something good). I wanted to always stay as good as I can for other people. Treat them as good as I can. Try my best not to annoy people or not to trouble anyone.
But last year, because of my unstable emotions, extreme mood swings, depressed feelings, I started to be someone that I am not used to be. I have the need and urge to talk to someone about my feelings. So I started to find people by my own which I don't really do before. And I annoy them with my stories and bullshits over and over again because of my anxiety and extreme insecurities. Then I cry oftenly in school and I am not as cheerful as I am before, you can hardly see me put on a smile unless I forced myself to. I have no place to express my extreme negative feelings so I ended up spamming FB statuses. Then I started using vulgar and rude words which I don't use before (even shit and damn is not something I will say) because I can get furious super easily over a super small thing, I am not as patient as before.
Nope, I never changed. I am still that Erin you know. Just that I had enough of all the pressure that my environment and surrounding gave to me. My patience is over the limit, way over the limit. I'm sick of people taking my kindness for granted, people taking advantage of me and people thought that I have no temper at all because I rarely show it and I always tolerate and compromise, I always keep those feelings to myself and I never shared any of it to anyone. I am actually glad because this downfall lets me see the true colours of many people and it makes me learn to express myself out.
Source: Twitter (@damnsassyyy)
I am sorry for sharing things with some unpleasant words there, but this is totally true. You either say how you feel and mess it up or say nothing and let it mess you up instead (a better version :P). I learned this in a hard way. I always say nothing to people whenever I am feeling hurt or sad by their actions or behavior, I keep it to my own and I will just act like nothing happened, laugh like a mad or I will be saying nevermind. Day by day it accumulates and now it became something huge that makes me go crazy. So I myself now is having a hard time to handle the mess I did to myself.
Because of all these pain, it makes me to express myself to people saying that I am not happy with what you're doing or I don't like the way you treat me. At first when I did so, I feel super guilty and regret of my actions afterwards. It's like after I expressing my true feelings out, the person will stay away from me or maybe dislike me or even hate me. Then, I think about it. If that person sincerely cares about my feelings, he/she won't mind. They will accept and do something about it because I do matter to them. But sadly, I do not matter to many of them. I'm fine with it. At least I know who's the one that really cares about me and sincere to have a friendship with me. The sooner I realize, the lesser the pain I feel. My own feelings matter too, I am important to myself too, I care about you but at the same I must care of my own feelings so it won't get hurt because I AM ONLY HUMAN. I have to love myself you know? I have to fight for myself too, you know? But still, don't worry, I have my patience, I will probably tolerate and compromise with you for a couple of times but then if you still can't be more sensitive to my feelings then yeah, that's when I will tell you my true feelings (in a nice way or not so nice way depends on the situation).
Ladies and gentlemen, tuan-tuan dan puan-puan, 各位先生女士, please keep it in your mind to always BE YOURSELF. Yes, your true self, without faking yourself. Everyone of us in this world is unique because everyone of us have different personality and style of our own and everyone of us are waiting for someone to discover us. We must be our own true selves to avoid as many dramas or as many hurtings as we could. As long as we are doing a good job by being ourselves, we will automatically attract people who's really sincere and truthful to us because they are the people who can accept the person as who we are, the best and the worst in us.
Be yourself. Do whatever that makes you happy because you deserve that. It's your life, you write your own story. It's impossible to please the society because no matter what you do people's gonna judge you anyway. Make good decisions that you will never regret. But make sure you are willing to face the consequences of your own choice. Hashtag you only live once.
I will continue to be myself. This is my life, I'm in the control. I will always to be honest of my feelings with people because honesty is the best policy. I hate lies, don't ever try to lie to me because a lie can't hide forever, sooner or later I will find out. I am proud of who I am eventhough for now I am still a depressed person and a temporary handicap. BUT DEPRESSION DOES NOT DEFINE ME. It's up to you whether you wanna like me or hate me, I can't force someone to accept me. So it's either you take it or leave it. ;)
Why suddenly I am so serious and look kinda fierce huh? :P Let's chill chill, cool cool and relax. I am actually a friendly person just that I might be a little bit shy if you just get to know me but as the time goes by I will be acting like a orang gila (siao people, crazy person) when I am comfortable with you. :P I am a good listener and I am also a patient person. If you need someone to talk with feel free to find me, I will try my best to give you my best accompany but not guaranteed with best advices. >__<
You are precious, I am precious, everybody is precious. ❤️ Baby you're a firework, come on show them what you're worth. ❤️ We are who we are. You shouldn't have to change for anybody. If they don't accept you for who you are, find someone who will. When you've found someone who accepts and appreciates you for who and what you are, never let them go. ❤️
Tata, xoxo. ❤️
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