Again, I am having insomnia, currently the time is 6:13 am. It suffers a lot when I can't get to sleep even though I am super sleepy and tired. And again, random thoughts keep smack my mind and wouldn't let it to stay in a peaceful state. Today, some negative thoughts appeared in my mind, which is not a good sign. Let me write it out to release everything.
I am trying so hard to be positive and cheerful again. I know, if I don't help myself, no matter how many people are trying to help me, it's all pointless and useless because I never give any will power to my own self. This is not an easy task to me. I am a very emotional person and I tend to be emotional super easily over small matter. I promised myself, I have to give myself a chance to change myself, to build up a new me. I must. In order to help other people, I have to help myself first. I don't wanna break the promise I gave to myself.
It all started on Twitter. It's been a week's time I've came back to Twitter. It's not nice to spam the FB newsfeed with all my random thoughts. Without a doubt, Twitter will obviously be the best place for random thoughts and there's a lot of those quote accounts, I followed many of them. Sometimes their sayings and quotes are really not bad, it's encouraging. Whenever I started to think too much or the sad feelings suddenly just come like that, I will just tweet anything that's on my mind troubling me but I will change it to become more positive for myself. I don't wanna let the whole world knows I am weak even if I am. That's the only way to make myself mentally and emotionally stronger. It's not a big deal, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Just in seconds, my mood from happy to worry and if I don't encourage myself soon it will evolve from worry to sad then lastly from sad to depressed. I don't want that. So what's on mind now is I'm worrying that people can't accept me for what I am. But now, for me, I think it's a waste of time and energy to put myself in a bad mood just because of that. Firstly, I can't please the society, that's just too much. I can only care about my own business and don't do anything to hurt people, that will be more than enough, as long as I still have my conscience, everything I do will be just fine. Second, people gonna judge me anyway. No matter how good I am or how bad I am, people are still gonna judge me for what I've done. So, I will just do the things that makes me happy, life is too short to be sad over people who don't really care about you and talk nonsense about you, but of course not asking everyone else to do anything they like just because they are happy by doing so, don't ever do illegal things or inappropriate things, or else you are going to face the consequences for your own actions which means no happiness in the end. Must do something that can let happiness to last long, not just short period of happiness. CONSCIENCE, ALWAYS REMEMBER CONSCIENCE.
Third, no regrets. Sometimes you may have done something that you will feel regret later on. Like "Why did I react to things so furiously I shouldn't be like that" or "I regret that I've done this" or etc etc. Remember, we are only humans. We are not a programmed robot. We live, we make mistakes, we learn. There's no point to regret anything that you've done in the past. Because we can't go back in time to change things right. Let the past stays in the past, there's only moving forward. So if you want those regret feelings to go away, there's only one way - change yourself to become a better person for all the people you are going to meet or haven't met yet. Forgive all of your own faults in the past, accept those mistakes of your own and make good use from it which is LEARN. So you can prevent yourself for doing the same mistakes that you've done in the past. Treat people good but treat yourself better. Forgive yourself.
Fourth, it's always never too late to realize. Realization is never ever too late, is just a moment earlier. Please don't ever say this "It's too late for me to realize, everything is just too late". Nothing is never too late when you realized. Time is very powerful and very magical, because time will basically do all the job. Time can heal a broken heart, time can show the truth, time can make things slowly fade away. Time can show you the way. Always give yourself time to accept everything and heal from everything. Then, move on.
Conclusion: You yourself must accept your own self before you can make everybody else to accept you. Don't ever expect people to accept your everything, when you can't even accept your own perfections and flaws. But don't force yourself, take it slowly and easily. And of course, this is a mutual thing. You must also open your heart to accept other people's everything including their flaws, you must give before you take. Always count your blessings.
You will think that, every thing is easier to be said than done. Yup, I am also thinking the same way. But actually, it's just that easy. We are the ones who complicate it BECAUSE WE NEVER EVEN TRY BEFORE WE GIVE UP. Always remember, the past is in the past, there's no point holding on to it even though once it was amazing. Please keep in mind that your present can be that amazing if you never let the clouds of yesterday to cover today's happiness. You can create a better future by starting on today.
People left, things change, this is why memories are created for you to remember for a lifetime, for you to keep it for a lifetime. Memories are precious, no matter bitter or sweet. They're just something you can be proud or laugh of when you're old as we are growing up day by day.
"不在乎天长地久，只在乎曾经拥有"
As long as you had it before, forever doesn't matter.
Because nothing will last forever. :)
I've made myself clear and I will keep on fighting for my own happiness. Nothing can bring me down again! NEVER GIVE UP AND KEEP ON TRYING. EVERYONE IN THIS WORLD DESERVE HAPPINESS BECAUSE YOU'RE WORTH IT. I'm done with today's topic and the time is 7:27 am. I am a panda + night cat. Muahahaha. X) #YOLO
Tata, xoxo. ❤️
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