I am singing my blue.

Holiday. Please, I want you to stay. Don't break up with me please... :'( I need you to be by my side.. every hour, every minute, every second... How do I live without you.. </3

Monday, the worst nightmare ever. It's coming tomorrow. Some more school reopens. I don't wanna go school. D: At least, at least, I Will keep myself busy because need to prepare for teachers' day performance and also canteen day.  But, seriously, I don't wanna face my exam results.

Time passes real fast. Two weeks finished in just a blink of an eye. Well, what I enjoyed the most from this holiday probably will be the SDO-X Amatuer Tournament that I joined. ;) That was a memorable one. And what I can say is, my holiday was full of gan jiong ness.

What comes next was my piano exam last Wednesday. I planned to blog about it, but, I also don't know why I haven't blog about that until now. Hahaha. So let me summarize it.

Now, the only thing I can do is "Pray and hope for the best". I didn't strive for the best because I was too gan jiong. Always, always gan jiong ness killed everything. This time, the fourth time I only go for solfege means singing. Melody singing and melody singing with accompaniment which both pieces that we never see or practice before for melody singing after pitching the first note or chord we need to sing out the whole song (8 bars/2 lines). For melody singing with accompaniment, for the pitching it will be the same as the melody singing but after that we need to play the accompaniment for the song according to the chords given by the piece.

I got a lot of wishes from my beloved friends.. And the best motivation from my cyber best friend.. and one of my good friend who accompany me to text when I was waiting outside of the exam room. :P Hahaha. I am so blessed to have all of them. But mostly all of them are my cyber friends.

Well, I told myself not to be nervous when I was outside the examination room, waiting for my turn. I calmed down. But the moment I stepped in the room, my heart beats fast. No colours and promises ah I tell you.

Then when I first looked at the pieces. I was so happy for the melody singing one, because it was quite easy, maybe. Then I pitched the first chord, I started to sing. The first line was okayy, no out of pitch, everything is perfect. But when the second line. Hohohoho. Out of pitch already, I noticed that. But I cannot go back anymore so I continued it "out-of-pitch-ly".

I was so upset. I thought I can do it. But at the end I screwed up. Then, I started to be more nervous. Because this is the last chance for me to pass my Yamaha Fundamentals 5.. :(
Then I tell myself, I cannot screw up the another one. But.. because of the gan jiong ness, the time signature is 6/8 but I start it wrongly the first note, for two times. Then I said sorry to the examiners, then I stopped to calm down myself. After few seconds, I started to play and sing again. I didn't stop, I didn't sing out of pitch, I didn't play wrongly. I sang out loud and clear, I played loud as well.
So I think I did a good job. Because this is the first time.. I did a very very good job in this melody singing with accompaniment. I am proud of myself. Hahahaha.

After that, the examiners asked me to sit infront of them to have a little talk. They said to me I did put my effort to sing, they saw it. They said my voice was good. But then my accompaniment was too heavy. Then, the another examiner talked about my melody singing. He said maybe because I forgot about the flat so I started to sing out of pitch at the second line.

Well, will I pass the exam or not? I don't know. It all depends on luck now. I think I can pass, but I don't know whether the examiner can give me a pass or not. Only God knows.

Like what my mother said, don't think about it anymore. No matter how much I think about it, I can't change anything. So just wait for the results to come out, and wish for the best.

Of course I hope will pass laaa. 4 times already weii. Super super sad. </3

So after my summary, I think I should go to bed now since my mother is rushing me to. And tomorrow is a school day. </3 And I am sick now. Aduiii. Why why why.

Oh yeah before that, I finally got a photo of the SDO-X tournament  which I am inside. Took it from the Genysis E-sports' like page. :P
So that's the situation inside during the tournament. Hohoho. Very meriah haha.

Okayy laa. Goodnight everyone. ♥ Chaos. ♥

SDO-X Amateur Tournament and...... I grown up.

It's been a long time, again. Hahaha.

Well, recently I keep spamming my Facebook's statuses. So, I don't think I need any blog post if I spam at there. Hahaha. Laziness kills.

Honestly saying, I'm quite emo recently. Why? Later you will know why.

Today, I joined the SDO-X amateur tournament organized by Genysis E-Sport at Berjaya Times Square. It's the first time ever I join any online games competition. :3 HOHO. Once in a lifetime experience.

Thank God we no need to take the train since morning so many people are actually taking it. My father sent us there, my mother and I. After we had our breakfast, the time is still early, the shopping center haven't even open yet. So we need to wait outside of the shopping center together with many other people. :P

"Why so many people so early come here?" I asked my mother.
My mother remained silence until I realized by my own, "Today is public holiday, some more many people after their breakfast also come here to wait the shopping center to open."

That time, I was so nervous. :>3< Super super gan jiong. I'm not familiar with the place (the last time I went there was 4 years ago), not familiar with the computer, not familiar with the internet speed (because my house one super super lag), the most important one, I'm not familiar with the keyboard there. I didn't bring my own keyboard.

Wait ah wait, wait ah wait. HOHO, 10a.m already, the shopping center is open for business! :D Then we went inside, took a lift and up to the 9th floor.
P/s: The shop lots were not fully opened yet by that time, OMG, it's a little bit creepy.

What a coincidence, I took the lift with the people-in-charge for the tournament. Don't know why, because of that, I feel lagi gan jiong. >3<  You know right, I'm not good with people. So when I see a lot of people who are elder than me, all "big jiejie" "big korkor", I will very very scare, don't know why. =3=

Reached there, queued up to take my attendance and I picked a paper from the box given there, to see which group I am in. Well, I'm in group B. That time, I have no idea who's the same group with me, and who's my opponent. Then, I started to warm up. Super not used with the computer speed or internet speed because it's TOO SMOOTH and then, the keyboard. -__-

Played a lot of hard songs to let my fingers to be loosen a little bit.
Then, I meet with my cyber best friend, HOHOHO. :P Glad to meet him face to face after so long  facing the character in the computer only. HAHAHA.

Then, it's time for us to get ready for the competition. OHHHHMYYYYGODDDDD SUPERRRR GANNNJIONGGGGGG!!!
Group A,B.C,D starts first.
We were called to be seated in our respective place. That time, my hands were sweating like.... OMG -__-
After we logged in, went inside the room, the we were given two songs to warm up ourselves.
Thank God it's just warm up, because I'm noob at those warm up songs. -__-

Well, my group got 6 people including me. Got 2 girl characters while other of course all boys.
When I first see that one girl, I feel very happy, at least I no need to become the only girl in the group, then I looked at the roll I've been sitting, then I saw, the girl character is actually a boy using it. =3=
That means I'm still the only girl in the reality. =3=

I don't know how I should describe my first round. Well, I can just say, I'm so lucky to get first place at the first round. The 4th song saved me, because I scored it ACP a.k.a all combo perfect.

Then after they announce who are the qualifiers to the second round, my name is announced. So, while waiting for the next round, my mother and I went to have some snacks and gaigai. :3

After one hour, we came back, they just left for their lunch time. So I used that time to train myself for half an hour.
P/s: The price there was not cheap. =3=

Lunch time's over. They started to take our attendance again. I find this funny. When they call our in game names, it's actually so strange, because this is reality not game. The names some more so.... fantasy. HAHAHAHA. Like my in game name is Cute_strawberry. But I'm not cute, and I'm not a strawberry...
HAHAHAHA x) Don't know why, I laughed so hard.

This time, group A and group B's qualifiers are grouped together. Then only two people will be qualified to the semi-finals. I started to become nervous and a little bit stressed because of that. My aim is to get into the semi-finals.

This time, they let us to warm up by our own. Then the competition starts again.

This time, a lot of situations happened.

The first song, because of my careless mistakes and gan jiong-ness, I MISSED THE NOTES. OMG
THAT KILLS A LOT.

I got last for the first song.

The only thing I could tell myself is DON'T EVER GIVE UP UNTIL THE END.

The second song, I more gek sei. I all combo perfect for all the notes, but ONE BAD. BAD THAT BAD.
Even my opponent looked at the results and get shocked.

"Inilah nasib."

Then I got third for the second song.

The third song, BECAUSE OF MY GAN JIONG-NESS ONCE AGAIN, I couldn't focus anymore. D:
Because I screwed up the two songs. So I screwed up this again by hitting too many of cools.

Still, I never give up even though I know there's no hope for me to win.

The fourth song, well, I scored it well. I got second place finally. But, no hope. It cannot let me to go into the semi-finals. :(

I feel so sad, so sad, so sad by that time. Because for the songs, it's actually not that hard. But, because of my gan jiong-ness, I screwed up everything.

Although I screwed up each round of the song, I still able to laugh. I'm so glad to group with the epic peoples. P/s: They are all boys. =3=

They keep playing inside the game room like gays. :P HAHAHA. That really makes me laugh a lot. It's really hilarious. :P Thank you so much guys. :)

So, I'm extremely moody by that time. Then I started to think. All because of my low self-esteem.
I'm not an optimistic person. I'm quite negative, especially this recently.

I actually have the potential to win, don't say about the luck first, say about myself. Why I need to think myself as a noob? When I'm not? I don't have that self confidence in me. If, I'm confident with myself, I think, I can really make it to the semi-finals.

I think too much, and I let myself to be in trouble. If I didn't lose confident towards myself.... If I just believe in myself... :')

During that second round match, I keep turning my head behind to look at my mother to calm myself a bit. She said to me, "Nevermind, it's okayy, just play." When I looked at my friend, he keep said to me, "Relax."

That time, my mood is just so complicated. Of course, I want to win so badly. But, my devil me, just.... pulled me down.. :'(

Okayy, back to the luck, yeaa, maybe my luck is not enough for this time. :) Luck is really an important thing, without it, you won't success. Well, I don't have the luck today. ;)

After this tournament, it let me realized a lot of things. I cannot be scared, I cannot lose confident of my own, I MUST BELIEVE IN MYSELF, LOW SELF-ESTEEM MUST GO AWAY!!!!

Those things, affect me like a lot in my everyday life, not just the tournament only. :')
Especially, this recently, these two months.. :') I suffered like hell. My feelings, my heart, my everything.

Let me tell you why I'm being emo. Yup, we broke up, my SDO bf broke up with me.
He treated me so well, he's the one who claims that love me a lot... but he is the one who hurt me the most.
I thought my character in SDO will never be alone anymore in SDO.. :') Like he said to me, he will be the last one to stand beside of my character, forever.. :') But... he's the one who broke this promise that he gave to me.. :')

I'm so naive, right?

This is not the first time that happened to me, but, I still believed in him.
Because, he is the first guy who let me feel like, he's different than others. He's a kind guy. a sweet guy.
Yes, previously, I hurt him a lot.
I'm so sorry. Maybe, this is what they called "Karma".
I believe in karma.
I get back what I gave to others.
:')

Because of this thing, I've been sad for a long time, it's almost two months now.
Because of this thing, I neglected my studies. Like I didn't even study at all. I don't care whether I fail or pass my papers.  I HAVE NO MOOD TO STUDY. IT JUST CAN'T GO INTO MY BRAIN.
And that's probably the last stupid thing I done for him. :')
Some more mid term exam, parents need to come school to get our results. :')
I feel so bad, so sad, the first time, I'm not even focusing in my papers like I don't even care about it.. :')
SOME MORE SCIENCE SUBJECTS. How great was it.

Because of this thing, I lose my shelter for my heart and my soul. He's the only one I've been relying on for months.. :') I'm a lonely person. He is the one will be there for me during the rough times. :') Suddenly he disappeared like that, I cannot get used to face everything by my own.. :')

After this tournament, I finally understand. I cannot continue to be like this anymore. I must be strong. I must get up and walk again. And run, and fly??? x) HAHAHAHA.

Yeaa, I must be strong enough to face all these. I cannot expect there's someone there for me every time for every thing. The only person that you worth believe in is YOURSELF. The only person that you can rely on is also YOURSELF. If I die heart, I lose hope to myself, then my life is ruined. I will be super useless. Even the cacat people, are fighting for their own life, their living, they didn't lose hope. But, for me, the God gave me a wonderful body, perfect, nothing is cacat, but, I gave up on myself. This is just, so sad. I shouldn't be so, I must appreciate everything.

He left, but he leave a space for a people who's a worthy. ;) I must wait for that person... while the person is waiting for me also.. :)

To him, you must take care of yourself, stay healthy, stay happy, wish you all the best, you will always be inside my memories. ;)
- sincerely me. ;)

I should leave all these behind, since, it's over. I should move on. I still many years to go.  A little thing like that shouldn't be blocking my sunshine of tomorrow.

Some more, we only met in game. GAME. GAMEEEEEE.

Put it down. (Y)

So, after all these, I'm wide awake now. I will try to cheer up myself. And won't simply put myself in a bad mood again. ;)

Now, piano exam is next. THE NEXT GANJIONG THINGTHING, AHHHHHHH.
I cannot fail anymore, AND THERE'S NO CHOICE FOR ME, I REALLY NEED TO PASS IT.
So, hardcore training for my piano exam. I CAN DO IT. (Y) I MUST BELIEVE IN MYSELF. SELF CONFIDENCE AND NO LOW SELF-ESTEEM!!!!!!!

Well, I will fight hard for my studies, play hard for my online games especially SDO <3 and also practice hard for my piano. ;)

WORK HARD, PLAY HARD.

P/s: I'm so shy when meeting so many people!!! >3< SUPER SHYYYY. I failed at socializing, as always. DUHHHHHHHHH.

Okayy, my blog post is loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong enough. I think nobody's gonna make it through here. For the ones who really sincerely finish the whole piece of blog post. I LOVE YOU! <3 HAHAHAHA :P

P/s: PAISEH LONG LONG BLOG POST WITH NO PICTURES. I want to take pictures one.... BUT.. SHYNESS KILLS EVERYTHING AS WELL LAAAAAAAA. T______T

I should go and sleep now. Tomorrow is another day waiting for me to make it happening. So, goodnight and tata. ;) <3