I bet you saw that title of mine, frustrated. Yes, indeed I am super frustrated and let me tell you why.
I've been thinking so hard for topics to blog about. Yes, I have a few topics to talk about. Few days ago, I actually wrote a super long blog post titled "Me in relationships", I burned the midnight oil for this blog post, but I am not really satisfied with what I wrote. So I saved it as a draft instead of publishing it. The very next day I want to start it over again but I don't know how. ARGHH THIS IS JUST SO FRUSTRATING! Why write a blog post also so hard ah? T___T Will I write about that topic again? Yes, I will, so stay tuned. ;)
Second, my sickness, again. Everyday, I've been thinking and planning and wondering and imagining about the things that I wanna do after I recover. I've done a lot of online shopping, bought a lot of new clothes, but all I can just see, cannot wear, because of my situation now doesn't allow me to. (I've wasted a lot of money in online shopping though, the amount near RM 1k OMG! Because I was too bored, nothing to do, this is how I kill my time to make myself happy a bit. :/ ) *shopaholic alert* I am so happy whenever my things from online shopping arrived at my doorstep. I am even happier when the clothes and things are in a very good condition and some more so pretty! ❤️.❤️ But.... I can't even try it on. Me with my clothes, so near yet so far. T___T ARGHH THIS IS JUST SO FRUSTRATING! x2 I want to dress up pretty pretty laa!!! T____T
I've watched a lot of recipes tutorials on Youtube. I already made a list of what I wanna try to cook. When my parents took me out to the shopping malls for a walk, I always go to the kitchen appliances section of the department store to see which oven I want to choose to be my future companion. But all these have to wait until I am fully recovered. I've waited for this moment to happen for so long where both of my parents agreed to buy me an oven that I asked for so long. T____T I am really really so into pastry, I am really really interested in baking. But without an oven, I can't do anything. :/ WHY MY BOTH PARENTS AGREED TO MY REQUEST WHEN I AM SICK LIKE NOW?! ARGHH THIS IS JUST SO FRUSTRATING! x3 I want to eat cake everyday as my afternoon tea laa!!! T____T
I actually set a target for myself that I wanna achieve so much so much so so much, which is I WANT TO RECOVER BEFORE MARCH. But now, I have to disappoint myself to say that this is a mission impossible unless there's a miracle. Because, currently I am not having any proper consulting from the specialist, no proper medication, no proper treatment except for now I am going for acupuncture which I sincerely hope it can helps me in my recovery. My father is too busy with his work at KL and I am currently staying at Seremban, which makes everything even harder. He only gets to come here at Seremban during weekends then have to rush back to KL early in the morning on Monday. He said to me after he finished his work, he will bring me to seek treatment at another hospital. But I don't know when only he will finish his work, probably after Chinese New Year I guess. So I have to wait. I am also waiting for an empty bed of ward neuro 5B at Hospital Kuala Lumpur since last year October. OII I AM TIRED OF WAITING. T____T if all keep on melenguhkan masa when laa only I can recover?! ARGHH THIS IS JUST SO FRUSTRATING! x4 I need professional help, I really need. T____T I really want to walk by my own as soon as possible laa!!! T____T
On my previous blog posts, I wrote about motivational and positive things for myself to see. I want to try my best to be as positive as I could to fight against depression. I've tried my very best to count my blessings, to be grateful, to be thankful for what I have and appreciate all of it. Sometimes I still let my emotions to overpower my mind. I lost control of it. My mood swings are still troubling me and it makes me feel insecure, sad and depressed. But I know the main reason of it, you want to know why? BECAUSE OF ALL THESE FRUSTRATED FEELINGS OF MINE! No matter how well I've planned for it, I can only imagine how it will turn out to be. I CAN'T DO ANY OF IT IF I AM NOT RECOVERED!!! ARGHH THIS IS JUST SO FRUSTRATING! x5 I want to be emotionally stable laaa!!! T___T
Everyday I have the same routine: eat, internet and sleep. I will just keep on repeat and repeat and repeat this same old routine that I have until the day I am fully recovered but I don't know when. Seriously I really have nothing better to do, I can't sit up by my own, whole day laying on my bed, facing the same old four walls, no online games to play, nothing to do, just Facebook, Twitter, Youtube and Instagram, keep seeing the same newsfeed over and over again, keep refreshing the page every minute. CAN YOU IMAGINE A LIFE LIKE THIS? I AM IN THIS SITUATION FOR MONTHS NOW! I AM ALREADY SO FED UP WITH IT! I HAD ENOUGH OF ALL THESE. I am so bored of the lifestyle I am having right now. Waiting for time to pass is just so slow when you are doing nothing interesting. OMG!!!! T____T ARGHH THIS IS JUST SO FRUSTRATING! x6 I want to do something interesting laa!!! T___T
And yup, yesterday was the Valentine's day. When I check my Facebook and Instagram, especially Instagram, OMG WHY YOU COUPLES SO SHOW OFF!! T____T Upload pictures of the presents laa, flowers laa, the dinner laa and mostly SELFIES WITH THE LOVE. T____T Of course it's okayy for you couples to show your love on this special day laa..... But....... I am just SO JEALOUS!!!!!!!! T____T ARGHH THIS IS JUST SO FRUSTRATING! x6 I WANT TO SHOW OFF ALSO LAAA!!! T_____T I want to see my boyfie, hug my boyfie, take selfies with my boyfie, sweet sweet with my boyfie. T____T I want to receive chocolates or flowers or teddy bear or love letter or ALL (muahahahahahahaha x) someone please take the hint *wink wink*) in reality from my love.... T____T I never received a valentine's day present before. T____T Mostly of my previous years I just bought a lot of chocolates and celebrate it alone, eat all the chocolates by myself. T_____T okayy laa, not all by myself, I am a very good girl who knows how to share and I am not a selfish person, so I will share the chocolates with my mother also, don't praise me, I will be shy. HAHAHAHAHA. Okayy laa, let me be positive a bit laa, for this year I have a boyfie and he did wish me a happy valentine's day, at least I have that going for me, which is nice. But deep down inside my heart, I will say this: "Stupid distance laa! Why he so far away from me, I want to see him right infront of me RIGHT NOW! ARGHH THIS IS JUST SO FRUSTRATING! x7"
So.. It's another long blog post from me again, did you guys manage to read this until the end? For those who succeed to read it until here, let me give you a clap and thank you for your effort I sincerely appreciated it. And for those who didn't, let me help you express it out here: ARGHH THIS IS JUST SO FRUSTRATING! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! :P
Tata, xoxo. ❤️
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