Finally, MID-YEAR EXAM WAS OVER YESTERDAY! :DD Actually I thought of blogging yesterday but I'm too tired so..... :3 heeeheehee... :3 For the last day papers are Kemahiran Hidup and Moral... :3 Well, because it's the last day of the exam, and I already have the holiday mood... so... I don't really study real hard for this last two subjects.. But for Moral, I never even study for it. You know, need to memorize all the definisi and also kata kunci all those stuffs... I never touch. :3 I just simply read through.. because I thought it won't come out that many... every time when I memorize, it will just come out one question of the definisi and make me so pissed. -_- Now, when I never study for it, it come out like 5 nilai murni and call you to write all the definisi... some more one question is 4 marks.. so.. what can I say my 20 marks fly away already... Sayonara.... x) But luckily for the kata kunci part I'm still okayy with it because before the exam my friend, Nana asked me to help her for memorizing the nilai's definisi and kata kunci. Well, she sure did well in the exam. :3 For the KH paper was okayy, the questions are easy but still, it's confusing enough.
After the last paper, after the exam, FINALLY IT'S SOME RELAXATION TIME! :DD I would like to take this opportunity to thank Dhiya for the ice cream treat, even though it's just RM 1. (But for the last week, I treated him a RM 2.50 drumstick... -_-) So, soon it will be another treat, for that time only I will post some nice ice cream pictures. :3 Haha.
After the exam, I still can't fully relax myself. Yesterday and today, Yi Jin, Ai Lynn and I are practicing for the teachers' day performance. :) We will be singing on that day.. :) We will be singing the song that written by Yi Jin babe. ;) She's a pro. :D The song is nice. :3 I'm happy because I get to join them for the performance.. :) But on the another side, I feel so down about it.. I don't feel I fit in.. :/ When we're practicing at the closed hall today in school during school hours, seeing other people practicing, Yi Jin and Ai Lynn can actually fit in with others performers while I'm standing at aside, seeing.. I wish could join, but just... :/ Sighs.... And then also, for my singing part, I don't think I give out a lot... :/ Maybe during the real performance time, some people will think that, "Why this girl just sing a little bit also want to join inside? Waste of space." ... :/ I really really feel so down.... all of these because I don't have self-confidence. Really, I don't have. :( Sighs... Still, I think it's awesome when four of us (Gan, Yi Jin, Ai Lynn) were singing at the Bilik Media 2. :D That's really really awesome and I really really enjoyed it.. :D Thank you all so much.. :)
After I finished my practice for singing, I went back to class during the second period after recess. Asked my friends about the exam papers, did the teacher gave back any papers. Oh yeah, there's a happy news to say, before I went for my practice, during the History period, my teacher, gave us back our papers. I'm so shocked and surprised that I actually improved my marks and also good marks I get. Unexpectedly, I got 73% for History. :O I WAS LIKE OMG. It's been so long so long so so so long since the last time I get an 70++ for my History.. want to know how long was that? The first exam for my Form 1. -_- Yeah, grandmother's story already. I'm so so so happy, really happy for it.. :) Wow, fantastic baby. :3
But... but.. BUT!! But... :( When I know I actually get 23 correct out of 60 questions for Geography... I'm so so so pissed...... WHY? WHY? WHY?! You know what? Just ONE more QUESTION, THEN I CAN PASS MY GEOGRAPHY PAPER!!!! :'( Why in this year, whatever subject I failed, sure fail with ONE MORE QUESTION THEN PASS.... 38%... I'm so speechless.. really really speechless.. From the first exam 74% dropped to 50++/60++ during the second exam... now.. SOME MORE DON'T KNOW WHY I CAN FAILED. .:'( Maybe it because I too concentrate on my Science paper that day then I ignored my Geography... I should read both subjects.. :( Sighs... Some more for this mid year exam all the results will be printed out on the 'report paper' and parents will come and take the results on the open day... Till then, I will be dead and I need to face a lot of consequences... :(
I don't wish to say out the things but what I can say is, totally terrible and horrible condition I will be facing soon after it.. Lots of torture... Actually I don't really care of my results this time. Why? It's not the PMR trial or the PMR real thing (For my 'special' school, they will do the class streaming based on your PMR trial results, not the PMR real thing first.) I'm still thinking of this contradiction, then for what we are still taking our PMR? -_- Sighs.. I don't dare to think anymore for those consequences it's like a connection.. After this happens, that will happen next, and this, that, those, these........... it's a non-stop story, I also don't know why I need to face so many problems. No, it supposed to be MUCH.. I can't stand it so I just burst it into tears... I can't control anymore... :/
I don't wish to say out the things but what I can say is, totally terrible and horrible condition I will be facing soon after it.. Lots of torture... Actually I don't really care of my results this time. Why? It's not the PMR trial or the PMR real thing (For my 'special' school, they will do the class streaming based on your PMR trial results, not the PMR real thing first.) I'm still thinking of this contradiction, then for what we are still taking our PMR? -_- Sighs.. I don't dare to think anymore for those consequences it's like a connection.. After this happens, that will happen next, and this, that, those, these........... it's a non-stop story, I also don't know why I need to face so many problems. No, it supposed to be MUCH.. I can't stand it so I just burst it into tears... I can't control anymore... :/
Well, yeah, I cried in the class again.. :( I can't cry except for school and within the area without my mother, I don't want my mother to worry.. that's why.. :/ So I go and trouble my friends in school.. :( Sighs.. I take care of one's feelings, but ignore another's. I cried in class, I think all of my classmates will find it weird, because always I laughed crazily, laughed hard in the class. What I do I will laugh.. I will smile... suddenly I cry... they will be like avoid me...? Think that I'm like a disease..? :( One friend of mine said I forced myself to cry... I don't understand, I don't get the meaning... I forced myself to cry...? ........ I don't know why.. Impossible for one person to keep staying strong.. no matter how strong is that person, still, there's a weak side of his/her. And maybe, some friends will think I'm actually acting some drama out maybe? I don't know... :( This is what I feel since last year when I cried... When I laugh, everyone will be there for me, but when I cry, and that's the time when I need them the most.. nobody stays... :'( This is hurtful.. </3 Really... But, at least, at least.. every time.. Hanu is there for me.. :') She some more still says something that really really touched my heart... Hanu, you are the best I ever had... :') I love you so much my dear.... Without you , how am I gonna continue to stay strong...? :') Thank you... Remember Hanu, when you need me, I will be there for you as well. ;) You can count on me like one two three I'll be there...... ;)
Hanu is the one who listens to me, listens to every word I said.. she never missed a word.. I thank her for being a good listener... After I say all my problems out to her.. I feel more better and starting to stop crying... :) And after I calm down myself, stopped crying, the girls Kalai and Cheah, the boys, Naquib, Firdaus, Dhiya, Edward and Satren.. come and ask me what actually happened, why I cried... But my mind's blank, I don't know what to say anymore.. But still, for them, they actually cheer me up... :') I really really thank them so much... :') They are such good friends... :') Although I just be with them for 5 months (Kalai, Naquib, Firdaus, Dhiya, Edward, Satren), but they are still willing to give me a helping hand and be with me when I'm down... :) I feel touched.. :') You know, at the beginning of the year, no, at the time when I know we're going to be classmates, I never never ever thought that our friendship will be that good even though it's just awhile.. :) What can I say to you all is... I really really love you all... :') ♥ (Don't think too much, it's just a pure love feeling towards friends.) Fluffy, let's stay strong.. we can defeat all those problems that we have in our life. :) Keep on believing... ♥
Although I don't have a perfect family, I still have my beloved friends... who will support me when I'm down.. :D I thank God for this, this is already more than enough. ♥
Well, so I've decided to enjoy my holiday and forget my marks, I will only tell my parents about my Geography marks days before or a week before the open day... Then I no need to be dead so early.. right? :) After a big cry, I must be more stronger now... :) Must remember not to show my weak side every time.. :) STAY STRONG.
WOW. SUCH A LONG POST, I hope you all really have the patience to read until here, if you successfully read until here, without leaving a word. Here, take this cookie as a reward. x) Haha!
Okayy, should stop now, it's super super long enough. :3
Chaos. ♥
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