19/12, disappointed.

Dear Bloggie,


Hii ya my dear bloggie, how are ya? :)
Still fine without me?
It's been quite awhile since the last update of mine.
Sorry ya, too bad I'm sick for the whole week.
Just started to recover now.
Except for the sick thingy, I don't have anything to write also.
A bored holiday, some more a long one.
Sighs.
Well, I got something to write today, guess what's about?
Haha, yeaa, I know it's hard to guess, so no more nonsense and let's start the topic. :)
Today I woke up at 8:30a.m.
I woke up early because I need to go the school to check which class I will be in next year.
Well, feel kinda excited and also afraid.
Excited, because for quite a long time I didn't step out from my house, can breathe in some fresh air.
Afraid, something that I expected will really happens.
So I pray hard inside my heart and call myself to not think too much.
Everything will be just fine.
Okayy, soon after my family and I finish prepare ourselves, we head to the school first!
On the road, I feel so nervous.
Because I really had no idea what class I will be in next year.
I hope the school won't treat me cruel.
Well, no traffic jam today, so we reached school in a short time.
Since it's not a school day, my father can park his car inside the school compound.
No need to walk so much. :X
Haha!
Okayy, the class lists are all at the canteen.
I'm one step closer to it.
My heart beats faster and faster.
I'm getting panic and nervous.
TO THE MAX!
Okayy, I'm at the board now.
They're some of the Form 2s are checking their class too. :)
My friends, but not very close ones.
Okayy, searching for my name at those lists.
3 Bakti, don't have my name....
3 Cekal, don't have my name....
3 Damai, don't have my name....
HEYY! WAIT A SECOND, I'm seeing way too fast, impossible I'm not belong to those classes.
Let's check again, more clearer and slower.
Okayy, 3 Bakti........ No.
3 Cekal.........
.........
It's a yes for it.
But can I say no for it?
After I saw my class, I feel disappointed.
For what?
Not because I didn't study hard enough, just the school treat students unfairly.
Why I will say like that?
Same situation happened at last year.
That time, I'm in 1 Amanah, and I get 13th in class for the final exam.
I expected myself to be in 2 Amanah, because I think I really deserve it, my results are not that bad.
But, when I check the list, I'm in 2 Bakti.
I feel a little bit of disappointed too.
Because I think I really have the potential to be in 2 Amanah.
Who knows the school?
Then, after only I know.
From 1 Amanah, they only pick the 1st - 8th or 9th position in class for girls.
(Because girls almost take all the front positions.)
And then after that, All drop to 2 Bakti.
I can say I'm very lucky that I can go to 2 Bakti actually, Because I'm the LAST GIRL from 1 Amanah that can go to 2 Bakti.
They take 8th - 13th position in class for girls to go 2 Bakti.
For the boys? (Sorry no offense ya, please understand.)
1 Amanah's boys even ranking 15th++ or 20th++ still can be in 2 Amanah.
But why girls can't?
It's really really unfair to the girls.
Seriously.
Just because the school wants to balance the class with same amount of boys and girls (even though some how boys are still more than girls in a class).
But still, it's really unfair.
The school never see our results and marks.
They just want to balance the class! That's all.
So, it's really unfair to the girls.
Some girls really have the potential to stay in a better class, but just because of the boys, we need to drop class.
IT'S JUST RIDICULOUSLY UNFAIR.
But I'm not saying all the boys.
Some of the boys are really pro in studies and they really do deserve to be in a good class.
Girls also put a lot of effort during studies and exams, why the school always give the chance to the boys, but never have a look on the girls?
Okayy, back to now.
I'm now in 3 Cekal, the third class.
The thing that I most afraid really happened.
Seriously, I already expected I will drop class to 3 Cekal.
Why?
Like I said, because of the school unfairness.
They mostly will give the chances out to the boys.
But some of the boys don't know how to appreciate the chance also.
I WANT A CHANCE.
School: You? Slow slow wait, unless you're a genius, 8As, all subjects 90 marks above. And mostly because, you're a GIRL, and your results are not that good.
Being a girl in this school is really a disadvantage.
But what can I say?
School decides everything.
What can I do?
Although it's really unfair but what can I do?
We're just students, we don't have the power, we're helpless.
Even though some of us their results are very qualified to be in the good classes, but still?
Sighs.
I really do think I can be in 3 Bakti because my results for the the final are not that bad.
EXCEPT FOR MATHEMATICS.
I did get a 72++% for the total average.
That's consider as not bad already.
But still, what's the usage of the average.
NOTHING.
We don't even know how the school arrange the class for us also.
According to the position in class? Or what?
For our this time's position in class, the ranking system changed.
They never looked at your total average, they look at your grades.
Whether you got how many As, Bs, Cs or Ds.
Or even fail.
If you failed a subject, if like 7As, 1 failed, you also will go to the behind of the class already like 30 something.
Yeaa, that's another ridiculous system.
Like me, okayy I just get 2 A, 3B, 3C and a D.
(You all sure know the 'D' belongs to which subject.)
Because of this system, I get 29th in class.
And the PERSON in front of me, just get 1A (if I never remember it wrongly), can be in front of me.
BECAUSE THAT PERSON DON'T HAVE ANY Ds!
BECAUSE I GOT ONE D, I GO BEHIND ALREADY!
T_________T
That's not fair..
Then for what I get As for. :(
I should be in front....
Seriously...
T_________T
Then my average of 72++ is nothing.
REAL NOTHING.
I work so hard for it.
I raised 6% from the third exam.
And it's now nothing.
What a joke, it's very funny, so let's laugh.
HAHAHAHA.
......
I'm really disappointed..
Really.
I'm really disappointed with the school.
Really really really.
All of my effort is actually, nothing.
............
I really don't know what to say.
But at the last, I decided to accept the fact that I'm a member of 3 Cekal next year.
How funny, I actually aimed to be in 3 Amanah.
To get 10 above position.
But, that's only a dream.
After been through so many things, being through all kinds of suffering and miserable feelings.
Up and down emotion roller coaster.
:)
What can I say, the school wants me to be in 3 Cekal, and I can't say no.
I need to accept it no matter what.
No matter how disappointed, how unfair is it.
And oh yeah, my parents accompany me to school and stand in front of the board to see the list with me also.
When I say I'm in 3 Cekal next year, I actually can see my parents' disappointed feelings from their eyes.
Because since Primary, except for standard one, I always be in the first class until Form 1.
And Form 2 second class, Form 3 third class.
Don't tell me later Form 4 fourth class, Form 5 fifth class. -_______-
TOUCHWOOD!
It won't be happening.
Because I already put my aim.
I aim for PMR.
I need to get good grades so that I can go to the Science stream when Form 4.
I really need to go to the Science stream, that's my interest, that's what I want to be in the future.
PMR is really really important for my future although the certificate is not that important in Malaysia.
I can screw up my class for now, but I can't screw up my future.
For PMR, my father and mother, I promise I won't let you down.
This year's class is actually means nothing to me, because it's just class, it's just a name.
I will prove that I still got that potential inside of me.
MEANS I WON'T GIVE UP NO MATTER HOW.
No matter how unfair is the school, no matter how hard, I must climb up to this mountain.
IT'S A CHALLENGE, AND CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

Memes. :X They're very popular right now, haha!

Well, for now I want to say sorry if I'm being kinda rude for my words just now.
Because I really need a place to say out all of my disagreements, disappointments, anger and sadness.
I don't know I want to find who to talk with.
So my bloggie is always my good choice and also good companion.
After saying all those out, I feeling more better.
Well, think of the bright side of it now.
Now 3 Bakti is TOTALLY DIFFERENT than the old 2 Bakti.
The friends are not the same now.
Actually, 2 Bakti-ans 'shattered'. :(
The feel is totally different from the old 2 Bakti now.
I don't want a 3 Bakti that's different from 2 Bakti. :(
I want all of the 2 Bakti-ans to be together to form 3.
But that's seemed so impossible.
What I can say for now, I'm really happy that I'm not in 3 Bakti.
Because there's a lot of people that I don't know and also #notsolike or maybe close to hate or maybe like, enemies?
I'm really lucky because I'm not in that class now.
Because I don't need to see their face every day, every minute and every second. x)
Hahaha! :X
(I'm still some kind of evil eh?)
Example, just like the sky and the ground, they will never be together.
That explains everything.
Well, also because of ONE incident that makes our relationship cracked and now become hate.
So, I can say I'm the lucky one.
For now I'm in 3 Cekal, and my besties, Hanu is with me! :D
YEAH! :DDD
OH MY BELOVED HANU, LUCKILY I STILL GOT YOU. ♥
And also Cheah. :DDDDDD ♥
Teehee!
LOVE THEM SO MUCH! <3
And then, next year, I can get to know a lot of new friends too! :D
I'm can't wait to meet them and be friends with them.

The name list of the people who're in 3 Cekal next year.

They're the ones that I will be sharing my one whole year with them. ♥
I'm very glad to meet you all, my friends.
Let's rock our FORM 3 life up together as a team! :DDD
Let's add colours to each other's life. ;)
Let it be a meaningful one.
I hope all of us can be crazier than Form 2 and also happier than Form 2. :)
Actually at the first, when I know I'm a member of 3 Cekal, I'm not that happy.
But for now, I think from another angle of this thing, I really should be happy.
I can get to know even more friends.
And have fun with them. :)
I can't wait the school reopens soon.
I just can't wait for it now..
I got a feeling that our class will be very fun and all of us are very happy together.
I hope my feeling is right.
;)
2012 is gonna be a good good year. ♥
Okayy, after I knew what's my class, then I go to my school's bookshop and bought some exercise books.
Just few of the books already cost my father RM100++..
It's just so expensive..
Some more some of the books I already bought outside the school.
I just buy the one that's important also need to be so expensive.
>______<
Luckily is not me that pay the cash. x)
Haha! Or not I will be confronting a bankruptcy. :P
(Things from our school's book store are very very very expensive.)
Okayy, after buying all those books, I go and take a photo of the class list (the above picture), and then, my father brought us to have our breakfast and then head back to home. :)
Oh yeah, I'm lucky enough because both of my father and mother are understanding parents.
My mother never blame me for not going to 3 Bakti, she's happy with my class arrangement too.
"At least you don't need to see someone that you don't like for the whole year." She said.
Yeah, that's very true.
And also my father, at first he's quite disappointed and also got scold me a bit at home (because that time I said I scare I will be in 3 Cekal).
Because my father is the one that puts high expectation on me.
But now he's understands my situation and never scold me for it.
I'm really really lucky.
So I won't let them down on PMR.
I never let them down on UPSR, and so is this time.
^______^
I know I can! :D
Aza-aza fighting!!  ♥
That's the spirit! Haha. ;)
Okayy, I guess that's all for today.
It's long enough already. :X
Take care everyone! (including me)
Have a nice day. ;)
Chaos.